I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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