So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
