There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
