He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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