I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize