why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize