Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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