Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...so i touched it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I would ride that face into the sunset
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
