R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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