On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize