I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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