$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
