Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
