why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
