its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The Olympian is in my bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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