her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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