she woke up with a sticky ear
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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