I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
