it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
