We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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