What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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