Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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