Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
