I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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