had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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