I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Even my vagina gasped.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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