Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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