3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
