He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
