everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
