just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How's work?
Spinning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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