You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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