it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
