Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
