How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
