This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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