I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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