$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
