Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
