I will die if light touches me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize