There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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