I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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