you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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