This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
