she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
