Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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