my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
