Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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