At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
do nipples grow back?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
