Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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