is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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