even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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