they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
