Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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