I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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