Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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