I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
