Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize