Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
