we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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