I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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