we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
