I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I died a long time ago.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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